This Is What Happens When You Want The Wrong People

When I was in college, the boys I hang out with were my age or boys who were probably has one or more similarities with me. They were usually from the same school or friends of friends and me being younger and didn’t have a care in the world would mean meeting boys, having fun with them and getting rid of them as soon as I’m bored.






But being all grown up as I already am now means that I want something more for my life. I want a companion and not someone who is superficial. I want something serious now and I want something permanent but the older I get the more it’s harder to get that. For a year now, I’ve had my shares of ups and downs from meeting someone who I liked and liked me back but was definitely not the right person for me to someone who I liked and whom I thought liked me back but didn’t to someone I liked and seems to like me too but along the way confused me so much that I had to shut out of my life. I felt really down because I’m just craving for connection. I’m at a point in my life that I just want something real but it’s so elusive that I’m beginning to think I’m better off alone and that I should start accepting that. I know I’m not yet old but still I can feel it in every bone of my body that I’m destined for that. Somehow I know I should be happy because I know I’m a volatile person and being with me means the guy’s got to have patience, I mean a LOT of that and guys are not very patient anymore which will just make my relationships unstable. But there are just instances when I like someone more than I should which makes everything complicated especially when we’re friends.

The last guy I liked and still like to this day is a friend and no matter how I try avoiding how I feel it still shows when I get mad if he won’t respond in a timely manner. And I unintentionally give meaning whenever he makes simple gestures that are considered benign. I just dropped him and I still feel bad about it but I know it’s for the best because I can’t be a sound friend to him anymore because I will always want more and that’s something he couldn’t give. It’s for me too actually, I need my sanity. I have goals and I’m striving hard to reach them and he’s a distraction to be honest. I’m not being selfish but I need to love myself first. I miss him a lot because we talk all throughout the day but I know I’m free now. However sad I am right now, it will pass and I’ll wake up one day not thinking of him anymore and not waiting for his messages anymore. I’ll wake up one day and I’ll only think of how the sun shines brightly through my window and that’s really how it should be after all they say that if a guy really wants you, he’ll let you know and the fact he isn’t saying anything means I already know my answer. So this time I won’t wait around anymore. This time I won’t try to please and I won’t get scared of losing who is not mine. This time the wrong person must go.